


too long til i drown in your hands (too long since i've been a fool)

by jaesungs



Series: the limitless me (from the start of the east to the end of the west) [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (i guess i don't know), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Angst, Lots of confusion, Lots of overthinking, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) cameo, Mutual Pining, Young Love, background norenmin - Freeform, chenle is in love, chenle overthinks a lot, coming to terms with sexuality, gaynation, jisung is a little oblivious, jisung maybe doesn't think, maybe a lot of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 01:38:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15546771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaesungs/pseuds/jaesungs
Summary: Zhong Chenle never imagined falling in love, let alone with his best friend, but here he is.Park Jisung never imagined falling in love with a boy, let alone his best friend, but here he is.





	too long til i drown in your hands (too long since i've been a fool)

**Author's Note:**

> you might be a little bit confused if you didn't read the norenmin one-shot before this, but you can still read this as a stand-alone. just understand that jeno went through some shit, and while that happened chenle and jisung got closer to each other.
> 
> also yes, i posted this and then reposted it so it could show up better in search results lol
> 
> [edit 22 apil 2019] title: wild by troye sivan

Zhong Chenle, he never thought about falling in love. He was only focused on debuting and then he did. After debut, his mind was focused on practicing and improving for the fans. Actually, that’s what was expected of him. Not that he even really cared. 

But, now, he's lying in bed terribly confused. It’s the kind of confused that leaves you questioning every life decision you’ve ever made in the middle of the night, as the stars twinkle above you.

It's been a month since he sat in the little diner with Jisung where Mrs. Wang asked them if they were the two who didn't know they were in love. At the time, it seemed ridiculous—more ridiculous than Mark being gay or Jaemin being straight. (Mark being gay is questionable, Jaemin being gay is not.)

Now, Chenle thinks maybe they are those two. The only other option would be that they are the two who refuse to admit it and that's Mark and Donghyuck.

Jisung has been sleeping next to him and cuddling him since before debut. It's so frustrating because that's everything they've already done. It's nothing new. It shouldn't feel different, it shouldn't make his heart flutter and these butterflies in his stomach grow. Everyone in NCT does skinship. Everyone loves everyone. It doesn't mean they're all in love with each other, it doesn't mean anything.

But, to Chenle, it does. When Jisung does these things, it means something. It makes him feel something he shouldn't. When Jisung wraps an arm around him or his hands linger too long on his or when Jisung doesn’t second guess running his hands through his hair. Those sort of things make Chenle really feel loved, even if it’s not in the way he wants.

Sometimes, he feels like Jisung is staring at his lips but those moments are gone as fast as they happen. He hates this so much. He hates not knowing what to do. There’s always a bit of tension between them, or at least on Chenle’s side of it because he’s trying his hardest not to start kissing him.

More than anything, it hurts him. It hurts his heart, causes this dull ache in his chest when he thinks about Jisung not loving him that way. He feels like he's going crazy. He sits and all he can think about is what Jisung is doing. He closes his eyes and he can only see Jisung's adorable smile. He tries so hard to remove the secret moments like now that they share from the back of his mind.

But, Jisung is burned onto Chenle’s skin. His handprints and his fingerprints are tattooed onto his skin, taking place on the most private parts of him, like his waist when Jisung holds onto him a little too tightly. And Jisung’s lips have left scars on Chenle’s wrists because that’s the place where Jisung knows Chenle stares at when he’s nervous. Jisung told him it would be a reminder that no matter what, he would be with him. Chenle cried for hours after.

Why his brain can't forget about kissing his best friend is truly beyond him. And, he doesn't get his heart. Why his heart had to choose the one person he should have never fallen for.

If this is what love is, he wants no part of it.

_Ugh._

It's nearing four in the morning and Jisung is dead asleep next to him, in his bed. Why Jisung can't sleep in his own room, Chenle will never know the answer too. Chenle sighs and looks at his phone screen, the bright light of the screen blinding him. He turns his brightness all the way down and looks over at Jisung to make sure it didn't wake him up.

Just because one of them is seriously contemplating life doesn't mean both of them should.

“You should be sleeping," Jisung's raspy voice rings out from beside Chenle. He jumps up off the bed, dropping his phone on the carpeted floor.

"Jesus Christ," he mumbles, hand resting over his heart. He takes a deep breath, trying to keep his heartbeat from giving him a heart attack.

"Sorry," Jisung mumbles sleepily, rubbing his eyes. He turns over so he's on his back. "Didn't mean to scare you."

Chenle lays back down in bed so that he's on his side, facing Jisung. He puts his phone in between them, hoping that he'll remember that it's lying there and he won't cuddle the younger. 

Jisung turns so he's facing Chenle. They can't see each other in the dark, but Chenle can hear Jisung breathing. It shouldn't be calming. He shouldn't like how it sounds because that's so creepy, but he does. He likes every part of Jisung. Add that to the list of things he hates about himself.

“You should still be sleeping," Jisung mumbles again, eyes slipping closed. He's already on the verge of going back to bed.

"So should you," Chenle replies numbly, eyes shutting. 

Jisung doesn't respond and Chenle notices the change in the youngers breathing pattern. He follows it, breathing the same time Jisung does. He pulls the blanket up over his shoulders, letting the warmth engulf him. He gives into his body, letting sleep take him over.

 

He wakes up to Jisung turning the alarm on Chenle's phone off. He rubs his eyes and sees Jisung stand up and stretch. He _maybe_ admires Jisung's beauty for a little too long. He looks away before Jisung catches him. That would be so embarrassing.

Jisung clearly doesn't feel the same way that Chenle feels. They're just friends. They're too young to be in love, anyway. They have their whole lives to focus on. They have careers to focus on. 

But, somehow, all of those reasons don't stop Chenle. Maybe there is no stopping his heart from loving Jisung. Maybe he's meant to love Jisung this way, more than a friend.

He doesn't believe in destiny, not at all. It’s a lot of mumbo jumbo shit to keep people from freaking out when their husband cheats on them or they lose their job. It’s a way to make them feel like they have some direction in life, that they won’t be stuck like this forever. All of which Chenle’s never been fond of. But, in the back of his mind he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he was meant to meet Jisung and fall desperately in love with him. 

"Gotta get up," Jisung whispers into Chenle's ear, lips touching the tips of his ear, fully dressed in his practice clothes. "C'mon, Mark's going to beat our asses if we don't get make it there on time."

"You're not supposed to curse," Chenle mumbles, voice rough. He slides out of his bed and goes to the bathroom.

He walks out of the bathroom and Jisung is waiting for him on the bed, eyes glued to his phone. He shouldn't feel giddy that Jisung is literally just sitting on a bed, but he does. He mentally curses at himself.

He gets dressed, sliding on a hoodie Jeno left in his bedroom.

"You have to wear that hoodie?" Jisung asks, trying his hardest to sound normal. He's still sitting on the bed, arms crossed over his chest.

Chenle furrows his eyebrows, looking down at the sweatshirt. "Uhh?"

"Here," Jisung sighs. He slides his sweatshirt off over his head and holds it out for Chenle to take. "Jeno's has a stain on it."

Hesitantly, Chenle takes Jisung's sweatshirt. He pulls off Jeno's and puts Jisung's on, taking in the scent, as Jisung walks to his bedroom to grab another jacket. Chenle inspects Jeno's hoodie and finds zero stains on it. He purses his lips before throwing the sweatshirt on his unmade bed and walking to the kitchen. Jeno is sitting at the island, looking far happier than he should. But, Renjun and Jaemin are also giggling so he doesn't think too much of it.

Chenle shrugs his shoulders as he grabs two bowls from the cabinets before getting two spoons as well.

He takes it over to his and Jisung's usual seats at the island.

“You and Jisung are awful domestic," Jaemin says, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Chenle murmurs, face red. He turns his back to them to grab the cereal, not wanting the three of them to see him blush.

"Right," Renjun snorts as Chenle comes back to his seat with cereal and milk. He nuzzles his face into Jeno's neck, smiling wide. Jaemin's heart literally bursts just watching them.

Chenle gags. "Please get a room."

The three just grin at him, eating their breakfast as well. Chenle goes about pouring himself and Jisung cereal. He pours milk into his bowl but leaves it out for Jisung who still hasn't returned from his bedroom.

He eats his cereal while checking his phone. He looks up when he hears footsteps and sees Jisung walking towards him with a bright smile. Jisung ruffles Chenle's hair, ignoring the looks he gets from the other three. They can’t give him shit considering their past.

They eat in silence, both ignoring each other to look at their phones. Occasionally, they make eye contact when Renjun breaks out into giggles. 

They all walk to the car. Jisung and Chenle let Jaemin, Jeno, and Renjun all sit together in the back. They get it, honestly. Having Jeno around again has made them all happier. Life without him wasn't the same.

The car ride is boring. The practice is boring. The most eventful thing to happen was Donghyuck and Mark getting into a pissing match while the rest of them sat around and watched, trying to contain their giggles as Mark got his ass handed to him. Chenle won’t lie and say that he didn’t watch Jisung’s giggle out of the corner of his eye.

Then the ride home, Jeno sang as loud as he could to every song he knew the words too. Consequently, no one in the car could stop laughing. When Chenele watched Jisung laugh, his brain immediately thought about how perfect he looks. That sort of thing is what terrifies him the most.

And presently, he's sitting on the couch eating a tub of ice cream trying not to cry into the tub. He doesn't even know why he's emotional because this is so stupid. To literally cry over Park Jisung is the most ridiculous thing ever. Add this to the growing list of things he hates about himself.

He feels the tears on his cheek and he sees them drip into his dumb superman ice cream he didn’t even want when they got it at the store. He groans and puts the lid on the ice cream, sitting it on the coffee table in front of him. It mocks him, reminding him that he’s the cover poster of those lame teenage girls from the movies who cry and eat ice cream when their boyfriends break up with them. 

He could go and cry in his bedroom like the rest of them do, but he's pretty sure Jisung is in there right now and he can't tell Jisung that he's the reason there are tears in the ice cream. That would be the most counterproductive thing ever. And Jisung would look at him with his big doey eyes and make him want to cry extra hard.

So, Chenle opts to cry on the couch, hoping that no one walks in and notices him. He lays down and puts a blanket over his body, warm and fuzzy. He cuddles into it and just lets all the tears he's been holding in go. He wishes Kun were here to hold him. Despite constantly teasing the elder, Kun babies him and loves him and gives him a sense of home when everything else has gone to complete shit.

He doesn't hear Jeno walk in nor does he hear Jeno come over. Jeno pulls the blanket down over Chenle's face, eyes wide when he sees how puffy and splotchy Chenle's face is.

"Lele," he mumbles, picking Chenle's legs up, sitting down, and placing them on his lap. "What's wrong?"

Chenle wipes his tears and sniffles, face even redder because he’s been caught. He figures that Jeno already knows everything, so there’s no harm in asking. "How did you know you were in love?"

Jeno chuckles, patting Chenle's knee. "I fell in love with Nana when we were rookies...I knew it because every time I looked at him, it felt like time stopped. I wanted to kiss him and keep him safe from this world. But, Renjun was different because I was already in love with Jaemin. At first, it felt safe with him. I got this warm fuzzy feeling in my chest and I knew."

"I wish that helped," Chenle sighs, still snuffling. "I'm so confused, Jeno."

Jeno grins. "I don't think you're confused, Lele. You know what you want...who you want."

He gulps, knowing good and well that Jeno is right. He does know. He's not confused.

He's hopeless, terribly, and foolishly in love with his best friend.

 

Park Jisung is confused. More confused than he's ever been in his entire life. He knew that he wanted to dance. He knew that he wanted to debut. He knew that he wanted the idol life.

What he doesn't know is why he hates watching Chenle get touched by the other members and why he just wants to cuddle with him twenty-four-seven. Jisung doesn't mind skinship. He's pretty indifferent to the whole thing, but now it's changed. He despises every single time Chenle engages in skinship with someone other than him. He just doesn't get it.

And, more importantly he doesn’t know why Chenle is always there. When he goes out and sees a t-shirt, it reminds him of a shirt that Chenle already owns so he could borrow it or buy a new one to match. Or when he sees a dog and it reminds him that Chenle likes dogs, but he’s more a cat person so he doesn’t bother to take a picture to send to him.

His fingers burn at the memory of touching him, of grasping at his soft skin and caressing it with no regrets. His body is soaked with Chenle’s honey-comb and some generic deodorant he refuses to give up scent from when Chenle sweats after practice and collapses onto Jisung. It’s like his entire body wreaks of him and Jisung wouldn’t want it any other way. Zhong Chenle has left his mark on him.

He's not gay. Or, well, he doesn't think he is. He's never been attracted to other guys at least. He never looked at a boy and had his heart explode. Until, he met Chenle. He never stared at someone's lips, seriously wanting to plant one on them. He doesn't get it.

He has nothing against being gay, hell, everyone in his fucking band is somewhat gay. So, he's pretty open-minded.

But, he just never thought he would have a big fat crush on his best friend.

If you asked him a year ago if he would be sitting in Chenle's bed and sniffing Chenle's t-shirt because he loved the scent, he would've cursed you out. First, it's weird. And two, he thought he was straight until he noticed that Chenle went from platonic cute to very non-plantonic hot.

So, that's where he is now. He inhales Chenle's scent. It's a mix of some rich ass cologne and cheap shampoo. This is the scent that Jisung only likes sometimes, it’s less authentic than when Chenle’s been sweating. But, there's also a little hint of Jisung from Jisung's sweatshirt which makes him feel smug.

Did he lie to Chenle because he didn't want him to wear Jeno's hoodie? Yes. Does he regret it? Absolutely not.

This gross part of him that wanted Chenle to always wear his clothes. Maybe Jisung's possessive, maybe. He doesn't really know because he's never had a reason to be. He's never felt like this about anyone.

He's had crushes. He's seen girls he thought were cute. Hell, he's even kissed a girl or two. But, he's never felt the odd need to claim someone. Not claim like in a weird way, but to tell everyone else to screw off because this boy only loves him. This sort of thing is unknown territory, and Jisung has no desire to explore it.

You can see why Jisung is just lost.

He has no idea what to do.

The only person he feels like he can turn to is Jaemin. Most days he would talk to Jeno, but recently Jaemin has been stuck to him like a mosquito or something equally annoying.

"You asked for me?" Jaemin grins, walking into Chenle's room. He closes the door behind him, raising an eyebrow when he sees Chenle's dirty shirt in Jisung's hands. "And I thought I was weird."

"You are," Jisung poorly defends himself, too confused to even muster up decent remarks. God, what is Zhong Chenle doing to him?

"Well, what's wrong? You in love or something?" Jaemin smirks as he makes himself comfortable in Chenle's unmade bed. Jisung had promised to make it, which he didn't. Whoops.

Jisung chokes on his own saliva, nearly hacking up a lung. "W-what?"

"I was going to say just kidding, but I'm assuming from your reaction..." Pause. "Who is it?"

"I-if I say it aloud, it becomes real." Jisung gulps, voice shaking. Jaemin pities him and pulls Jisung to him, forcing the younger to cuddle with him. He whispers into the soft skin of Jaemin's neck. "I'm not ready for it to be real."

 

The vibrations from Chenle's phone are what wakes him later that night. He rolls out of Jisung's hold to grab his phone off the floor where it fell. He rubs his eyes as he groans, body aching.

" _Hyung_ ," Jisung whines, voice hoarse. Chenle blushes, heart swelling a little bit. Jisung doesn't call him hyung, ever. It's just not their thing. In fact, it's just not Jisung's thing really. He only uses hyung when he really wants something. And, it makes Chenle feel special that Jisung wants to cuddle with him enough he'd call him hyung.

"Shhh," Chenle shushes, feeling Jisung's hand on his waist, tugging him back towards him. His skin heats from the contact. He lets his fingers dance over Jisung’s. 

Chenle turns on his phone, the light illuminating the room. He squints to see that it's just a bunch of text messages from Jeno. He sighs, shaking his head as he reads them.

_Jeno: hey i need u:(( can you pls come talk? hope u weren't alseep_

Silently, Chenle slips out of his warm bed to gather clothes to put on. He hears Jisung grumbling as if Chenle actually wants to leave bed at 2:49 in the morning.

"Come back to bed," Jisung murmurs, sitting up when he notices Chenle's phone flashlight. "I'm lonely."

Chenle can feel the pout as he puts on sweatpants and Jisung's hoodie from earlier. "It's Jeno." As if those two words should be enough for Jisung.

Jisung scoffs, "screw Jeno. You don't need Jeno you need sleep."

That argument is kind of hard to beat, Chenle has to admit. But he wants to be there for Jeno, to make sure the older doesn't do anything stupid again. "I'll be back soon, okay?" He walks over to Jisung, turning off his flashlight.

Even in the pitch dark, Jisung's hands find Chenle's waist, thumbs tracing patterns onto his skin. Chenle can envision what his handprints would look like if there were actual tattoos. They’d be big because Jisung has ridiculously large hands, and the fingers themselves would be slender. 

"Don't go, please? I sleep better when you're here. C'mon, just come back to bed."

The offer is so enticing. He wants desperately to go back to bed, but Jeno said he needed him. He can't let him down, not after everything. "I'll be back before you know it." Chenle presses onto Jisung's chest, his fingertips rubbing the skin, compelling him to lay back down. He carefully pulls the comforter back up to Jisung's chest. 

There's a part of him that wants to press a kiss to Jisung's forehead before he goes, but he knows he can't. So, instead he squeezes one of Jisung's hands and leaves, despite Jisung’s protests.

As soon as he's out of his bedroom, his eyes meet Jeno's pure black. The hallway is only lit by Jeno’s flashlight, shining on the lowest setting.

"I hate you so much," Chenle mumbles, flipping Jeno off even though he can barely see.

Jeno grins at him, putting the hood of Jaemin's sweatshirt up over his messy hair. "Let's go."

Chenle follows Jeno to the front door, watching him silently unlock it. Jeno shoots him a smirk when he successfully opens it without making any noise. 

Both of them walk out the front door, the chilly air hitting their faces. Jeno locks the door behind them before starting his trek towards wherever his crazy self wants them to go.

Crossing his arms over his chest and rubbing his arms, Chenle snaps, "Why do we have to go on a fucking walk to talk, Jeno!"

Jeno watches Chenle shiver and shrugs. "I wanted to walk to think. I have a feeling you need to think too."

Chenle doesn't argue with him, doesn't do anything but grunt. He walks behind Jeno, giving him some space. 

As much as he despises Jeno for this, he actually has to give him credit. Jeno is right about these late night/early morning walks. 

You forget who you are, what you are. All your problems look miniscule. Everything you've worried about seems so irrelevant. The coldness is numbing, like freezing time. 

They soon arrive at the same 24/7 cafe that he'd realized something was different about him. Jeno opens the door for him and he walks inside, the hot air immediately warms his ice-cold skin. The waiter at the counter greets them with a small smile, waving them towards a booth.

Chenle chooses the same booth that he and Jisung sat at about a month ago. The place where he realized that he was truly dependent on Jisung. The place he realized that maybe he liked him a little bit more than a friend.

Jeno sits across from him, removing his hood and picking up a package of sweetener. He rips it open and dumps it onto the tabletop in front of Chenle.

"Bro! What the hell?" Chenle starts to push it back to Jeno, but he stops him before he can touch the sweetener.

Jeno doesn't respond, he just grabs another packet and pours it onto the table. He does that with the next seven packets, making a huge pile.

"This is disgusting and wasteful," Chenle sighs, too tired to be truly angry with him. 

"Draw with it," Jeno instructs, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. 

Chenle furrows his eyebrows in disgust. "What?"

"Don't question it, just do it," Jeno hisses. 

"Why?"

"Didn't I say not to question it?"

"Yeah, but I don't-"

"How may I help you this...uh...evening?" their waiter interrupts them, holding a pen and pad for their order. He eyes the mountain of sweetener on the table but doesn't say anything.

"Black coffee and pancakes," Jeno orders with his charming smile. 

"Rose tea please," Chenle exhales, chest deflating. 

Their waiter nods and walks off, leaving them alone again. Chenle doesn't feel like arguing with Jeno at this hour, despite how weird his idea is.

He puts his finger in the sugar, tracing random shapes into the white substance. 

"I still don't get why I'm doing this," Chenle mumbles.

“You will,” Jeno sighs. He types away on his phone which forces Chenle to have to think for himself. He draws doodles into the sugar, not minding the roughness of it on the pad of his pointer finger. 

“Why do you need to think?” Chenle asks, surprising himself. 

Jeno sets his phone down on the table and laces his fingers together. “Guess I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

“I have a question,” Chenle announces.

Jeno raises an eyebrow. “Ask it.”

“Why did you bring me here? You’re a lot closer to Jisung...you know...because of everything that happened, so I guess I don’t know why you aren’t talking to him about my confession.”

“Because you got to me first,” Jeno shrugs nonchalantly. “Plus, Jisung wanted to talk to Jaemin about whatever, I guess.”

 

“What’d he say to Jaemin?” Chenle chews on the inside of his cheek. He has an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, like he’s getting bad news.

“I didn’t ask,” Jeno purses his lips. “I knew if I did, I wouldn’t be able to keep it to myself.”

Chenle pouts. “Ugh! If you knew you could tell me and then I would know if I should tell him about my crush.”

Jeno laughs. “You should tell him regardless of what he says.”

“Says the one who has two loving boyfriends,” Chenle rolls his eyes. “You can’t relate to my situation at all.”

“Maybe not,” Jeno hums. “But, it’ll find its way out eventually. Even if that means it’s too late.”

“When’d you get all philosophical and shit?” Chenle traces a J into the sugar. He rubs it away, covering it up. 

“You learn a lot more than you’d think when you’re sleep deprived and wandering the city at three A.M.” Jeno looks up and their waiter is back with their drinks and Jeno’s pancakes. “Thanks.”

The waiter sits their stuff down on the table and Jeno starts to shove his pancakes down his throat, nearly choking on it. Chenle grimaces watching Jeno.

“Can’t you, I don’t know, chew?” Chenle asks, taking a sip of his tea. 

Jeno doesn’t respond, just eye smiles at him. He takes a gulp of his coffee, apparently not minding that it’s so hot it’s still steaming. 

“You’re literally insane,” Chenle cringes just thinking about downing scalding hot black coffee. How Jeno can stand the bitterness, Chenle is not sure. He probably never will be.

“I’m hungry,” Jeno responds, shrugging his shoulders. He finishes his pancakes, pushing the plate towards the end of the table.

Chenle’s fingers are still running through the sweetener, more random doodles forming in the substance. It’s relaxing, soothing. He lets himself get lost in the doodling, drawing out more letters in Jisung’s name. This is Jisung’s impact. 

“So,” Chenle looks up and sees Jeno staring out the window. There’s nothing to see but a brick wall, but Jeno’s so lost in thought that he doesn’t mind the dull view. “You never told me why you needed to think.”

Jeno looks at Chenle, pursing his lips. “Everything.”

“Specific,” Chenle laughs. “I mean is everything, you know, okay? With Jaemin and Renjun.”  
He sees the way Jeno’s facade falls. How his ice cold face cracks. Jeno lets his shoulders slump.

“I take that as a no?” Chenle says, pushing his tea away from him.

“They treat me like I’m a child,” Jeno bites on the inside of his cheek. “And I get it, I do. But, I wish they wouldn’t act like I’m so fragile.”

Chenle pouts for Jeno. “They’re in love with you and they’re scared. We all are.”

Jeno sighs, rubbing his eyes. “I know, I know.” Silence. “So how are you going to confess to Jisung that you’re totally in love with him?’

“I’m not.” Chenle rubs his hands off on his pants, pulling his phone out of his pocket to check the time. It’s nearing five A.M. and Chenle can’t believe that they’ve been gone for this long. “I’m tired as shit. I don’t know how you did this everyday.”

“Why do you think I napped here?’ Jeno laughs, playing with his hair. “I think before we leave we need to create a foolproof plan to tell Jisung.”

Chenle gives him the face. “There is no foolproof plan because Park Jisung doesn’t love me.”

“Oh, Chenle,” Jeno sighs, hitting his head against his palm. “So, so naive.”

Chenle raises an eyebrow, fingers going back to the sweetener. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’re seriously clueless, Lele. Jisung is whipped for you. He is the embodiment of whipped culture,” Jeno giggles. “So, I’m thinking you sit him down and just kiss him. If he likes you, he’ll kiss you back. If he doesn’t kiss you back then clearly he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.”

“That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard, Jeno. And we have to hear Mark hyung’s ideas.” 

Jeno sighs. “Okay, then you sit him down and tell him that you’re totally, extremely, seriously in love with him.”

“You’ve overestimating my confident gay skills.” Chenle checks the time again, scared that it’s already turning to six. “We should go back. I’m tired, you’re tired, and we have a practice at noon.”

“That’s still six hours away. I’m not moving until we decide on how you’re going to show the ugly rat that you love him!” Jeno looks at his nails, uninterested in Chenle’s protests.

Chenle gives up, knowing that Jeno’s a stubborn son of a bitch and true to his word. “How about today after practice I bring him here and I tell him the truth. We’ll see what happens after that, right?”

Jeno scrunches up his face, not entirely convinced. “Seems a little boring,” he shrugs. “But, I guess it fits for you guys, right?’ He dodges the sweetener Chenle throws at him.

“Okay, great. Today you’re forcing me to come out to my best friend that I’m in love with him! No biggie.” Chenle huffs, eyes drifting shut.

“Hey! I never said it had to be today. I never even said it had to be soon. I just said you need a plan to tell him. But, you chose today so, clearly you want to tell him! Alright let’s get the bill and bounce!” Jeno calls over their waiter and asks for the bill. He gladly pays for it, happy by the outcome of their late night/early morning conversation.

Chenle looks down at the sweetener, seeing that he spelled out Jisung’s name. He smiles just a the thought of Jisung, butterflies filling his stomach. That’s what Park Jisung is doing to him.

The two stand up and stretch before walking out of the cafe. Chenle’s steps are slow and drawn out. He’s actually nervous to go back.

“C’mon, I’m tired,” Jeno yells behind him, not even looking at Chenle. The younger sighs, but picks up speed.

They make it back to the dorms around eight because Jeno makes a pit stop to go to the bathroom and look at the snacks in the store. Chenle can’t even feel his body anymore.

Jeno opens the door for them, only to be greeted by Jaemin, Renjun, and Jisung. None of the three look amused to see them standing at the door.

“Hi,” Chenle greets with a nervous grin. Jisung literally frowns at him and he doesn’t know why that makes him feel so bad, why he feels so upset with himself for disappointing Jisung.

“Get inside,” Renjun shakes his head, making space for them to step inside. Jeno goes first, shooting Chenle an apologetic smile.

Renjun, Jaemin, and Jeno all disappear into their room, leaving Jisung and Chenle in an awkward silence.

Why is he so desperate? It’s so embarrassing.

They walk to Chenle’s room, the only noise being the hushed yells of the Jeno’s two boyfriends. Chenle feels for him, now understanding what it must feel like to come home to those disappointed looks. It’s enough to break your heart three times.

Chenle undresses quickly, wanting nothing more than to slip into bed and curl up and sleep for the rest of his life. He looks over at Jisung who’s already in bed, scrolling through something on his phone. He smiles just looking at him.

He walks over to his side of the bed and climbs in, letting his muscles relax finally. His sleep deprivation truly hits him because he feels himself already drifting away. He turns onto his side, facing away from Jisung. He’s not surprised when he feels an arm snake around his waist and a warm body pressed against him.

It doesn’t take more than thirty seconds before he’s knocked out.

 

So, the day passes on. He wakes up from his nap still exhausted and he almost falls asleep three times as he’s getting ready for practice. Twice, Jisung had to keep him from falling face first into his closet. 

When he heads to the kitchen for a light lunch, Jeno doesn’t look much better than him. Jaemin and Renjun are talking about something as Jeno almost face plants into his noodles. They laugh at him, but their worried expressions don’t go unnoticed to Chenle as he fixes his and Jisung’s lunch. The whole time, he thinks about how domestic it is for him. 

They eat in silence as everyone looks at their phones. Jeno eats his cold noodles, staring at Chenle like he’s begging for help. Chenle can only shrug his shoulders because he doesn’t know what he could even do that would stop Jaemin and Renjun from being pissed. Jisung sits next to him as usual, headphones in his ears as he blasts music.

Chenle happily puts his bowl in the sink overflowing with dishes that need to be done, but nobody has the effort to do. He feels Jisung’s body slide next to him, fingers grazing against his. He feels his cheeks heat up and he has to flee from the situation to keep from embarrassing himself.

Luckily for him, the manager’s car is outside and waiting for them. He sits in his usual seat, surprised when he looks over to his right and sees Jeno sitting there. He raises an eyebrow, watching as Jisung bites his lip and goes to the back where Jeno usually sits.

“You have a death wish?” Chenle murmurs, feeling Renjun’s glare. “Or, do you want me to die? Renjun will literally squeeze the life out of me.”

Jeno laughs obnoxiously loud, making it obvious to the whole group. “You’re so funny Chenle!”

Chenle cringes when he feels Jeno’s arms wrap around his shoulders as the car starts to move. “Dude, fuck off.”

“Just go with it,” Jeno whispers into his ear before quicky going back to his laugh.

Chenle grimaces but does what Jeno says, laughing along with him. He lets Jeno cuddle up to him with no protests.

They arrive at the studio and Jeno connects himself to Chenle, taking it upon him to become a bodyguard or something. It’s awkward and uncomfortable especially because Chenle can feel the stares on him from the three behind him.

The practice is long, especially because he’s still tired. There’s about fifteen minutes left when Chenle remembers what he told Jeno he was going to do today.

A part of him is nervous for the whole thing because Jisung could easily reject him. He doesn't even know if Jisung is gay which is obviously really important. But, the other part of him is excited to finally get this off his chest. Chenle can’t keep secrets for shit so this has been harder than he anticipated.

The tension in the room has only grown thicker since the start. Chenle still doesn’t know why Jeno did what he did, why he wanted to piss everyone off, but he doesn’t think much of it now. Jeno is Jeno.

As the time ticks down, Chenle can feel Jaemin and Renjun getting more and more irritated with Jeno. Chenle sighs and asks if they can finish early. Everyone agrees, not wanting to deal with each other for any longer.

Chenle is stuffing his backpack when he sees Jisung walking out of the practice room. He looks at Jeno with wide eyes.

“Go, you dumbass!” Jeno yells, making Chenle flinch. He barely manages to put everything in his backpack and zip it up before he’s running out of the room after Jisung.

He makes it to the lobby, not seeing him. He gulps, eyes frantically searching for Jisung. He luckily spots him walking out of the bathroom, heading towards the door. 

Chenle snags Jisung’s wrist, stopping him in his tracks. Jisung looks over his shoulder, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Chenle?” Jisung asks, mentally cursing at himself for saying something so incredibly stupid in front of him. 

“I-I...uhh...can we talk?” Chenle bites on his bottom lip and Jisung stares at it, unable to take his eyes away from it. 

“Yeah.” He chews on the tip of his tongue, letting Chenle lead him out of the building. He can’t help that he finds Chenle incredibly hot. It’s such a weird thought considering everything. 

Chenle’s hair is matted with sweat and his eyes are red with the lack of sleep, but Jisung has never found him more beautiful. It’s something about how personal it is, letting Jisung see him at what he considers his worst. 

There are days that Jisung knows Chenle can’t bring himself to look in the mirror. Those are the same days Jisung holds him extra tight and makes sure to mumble in his ear about how amazing he thinks he is. Those days are also the days they don’t talk about to anyone. Those days are Jisung’s innermost memories, days he keeps close to his heart.

They walk side by side and after awhile Jisung recognizes the place Chenle is leading him. He flushes at the memory of the restaurant. It’s a place he can’t keep off his mind. The two had sat there and Jisung had listened to everything Chenle had said. He kept his cute dolphin laugh engrained in the back of his mind for bad days.

He goes back to Chenle on his darkest days. He uses Chenle has an anchor to the real world. When everything gets too much, when the expectations feel like they’re going to crush him, he goes back to the late night cuddles with Chenle and the laughs they share.  
Chenle is opening the door for him and he walks inside, being greeted by a waiter. He takes a seat at the booth that they sat at before, surprised by how empty the place is.

He plays with his fingers as Chenle sits across from him, a big smile on his face.

“What are you so happy about?” Jisung asks even though he can’t help but grin too. 

“Nothing.” Chenle shrugs his shoulders, happily taking a menu from the waiter. He doesn’t object when Jisung decides to order a drink for him. It never really bothered him, actually. It took him off guard, the whole thing. Now, he kinda likes it.

Their waiter leaves after taking their drink order, mumbling something about how he’ll be back soon. 

Jisung looks at the menu, not really wanting anything off of it. He peaks at Chenle over the top of it, seeing that the older boy is looking very intensely at his menu.

“You find anything you want?” Jisung asks, setting his menu on the table. 

Chenle shakes his head no and pouts. Jisung wishes he could take a picture of him and frame it in the bedroom he doesn't even sleep in. Scratch that, he’d hang it up for all of Seoul to see. He’d show him off so that everyone could see Chenle’s beauty.

Those sort of thoughts are what fuck with his mind the most. He never, ever thought about that kind of shit when he first met Chenle. When a confident Chinese boy walked up to him and introduced himself as Zhong Chenle, he never imagined they’d end up here.

He’s amazed by what they’ve accomplished. 

“You’re spacing out on me,” Chenle giggles. It’s not his dolphin laugh that makes Jisung smile every time he hears it, but it’s cute nonetheless.

“Am not.”

“Lies.” Chenle rolls his eyes and goes back to inspecting his menu. “But,” his eyes never stray from the menu, “it’s cute.”

Jisung definitely blushes. Why does Chenle have this affect on him? What has he done that means he deserves this? He doesn’t respond, just hums in acknowledgement. 

Chenle finally decides on pancakes when their waiter comes back around with their drinks. He orders with a big smile on his face.

“So...uh...what did you want to talk about?” Jisung asks, playing with a napkin. He rips a hole in it and sighs. 

Chenle doesn’t respond right away, mainly because he doesn’t know how he wants to say it. He’s rehearsed it in his head a million times now. There’s a hundred thousand different ways he could tell Jisung. 

Out of all the ways, he did not imagine blurting out “I’m in love with you” would be it.

He slaps a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. 

Jisung’s mouth opens like he’s going to say something, but nothing comes out.

Chenle closes his eyes, on a verge of tears. It was not supposed to happen like that. He was going to say something like “I really like you Jisung” but that’s already fucked.

“I-it wasn’t...I did-didn’t…” he can’t even finish his sentence because he doesn’t even know what he wants to say now. He looks up and sees Jisung still unsure of what to say and that’s when he knows. He knows that Jisung doesn't feel the same. 

He feels a tear slip down his cheek. Then another. And another. Until he’s full on crying in the middle of this fucking restaurant. 

Jisung wipes a tear off of Chenle’s splotchy cheek with his thumb. He tilts Chenle’s face up by his chin, looking into his watery eyes. More tears line the rims of his eyes, threatening to slip out.

It hurts him so much to watch Chenle cry. It hurts him more than when he twisted his ankle and couldn’t dance for two weeks. It hurts him more than anything he’s ever experienced in his entire life.

“You’re okay,” he whispers, taking one of Chenle’s hands into his own. His other hand is still holding onto Chenle’s chin, keeping him from looking away. “Why are you crying?”

Chenle sighs, breaking eye contact with Jisung. “Because you don't feel the same way and I just completely ruined our friendship and fuck. Just fuck.”

“Who says I don’t feel the same way?” Jisung asks, quirking an eyebrow. 

“Do you?” Chenle asks, eyes suddenly meeting Jisung’s.

“Of course I do, Lele. I’m so in love with you.” Then, he presses his lips to Chenle’s.

**Author's Note:**

> awe, that's chensung for ya:). drop a comment if you want another chapter for them. until then, i'll be working on my markhyuck fic. thanks for reading. drop a kudos or comment because i feel special:))
> 
>  
> 
> [twit](https://twitter.com/flirtytaehyungs)
> 
>  
> 
> [curious cat](curiouscat.me/flirtytaehyungs)


End file.
